HMB: Burn Out or Cowardice
Read submissions to Hey, Mrs. Bond on the blog
Subject: Burn out or Cowardice?
I'm definitely burnt out.
Today is Friday of Spring Break here. I am not going back. My partner supports this. I've consistently had nightmares and woken up in the worse state possible. I've been incredibly suicidal this school year. And I still can't find a therapist!
But I also feel like a coward.
I'm not going back to my current school. I literally cannot. But I don't know how to market myself to another school, and honestly I'm tired of working in places that have more turn over than McDonalds (and like, where else am I going to get hired?). I'm tired of hyping myself up and prepping and decorating and resetting. I want to be a ten-year in, established educator with a system and confidence, but I feel empty and can't convince myself that's a worthy goal anymore.
As some context, I'm in my third year teaching. I'm a [marginalized identity] person who left a [conservative state] because my admin was not subtle they didn't want me. Now I'm in a [liberal big city] where admin and colleagues will not stop telling me they support me being [x], even as daily micro to macro aggressions come my way. And, like yeah, my principal didn't call me [slur] but my principal did yell at me, snatch papers out of my hand, sends constant (on weekends!) emails and texts, never recognizes what I put in, and always gilt trips me with "think of our students." So, even if I'm supported as a [x] I'm not being supported as a worker!
Looking for some words of wisdom; some "should I stay or should I go" input. Thank you.
Disclaimer:
The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.
Dear Burnt Out,
First and foremost, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. Many teachers are in similar boats and I appreciate you naming exactly how you’re feeling at this moment about teaching.
The big question you ask, should you stay or should you go, comes down to this: your life is worth more than any job. Period. If being a teacher in your current school makes you feel like you no longer want to live, it's not worth it.
Knowing everything you know, can you teach in a place that supports you? What would life look like if you could work for a principal who respects and values you? Is finding a better, more diverse school an option? These are all questions to consider if you wanna stay in the career. But…you don’t have to! And that’s okay.
I know what it is like to want so badly for this career to be THE ONE, but teaching has changed so much so fast and the expectations put on us are impossible. Without the support of a strong community, I don’t think I could keep going. At the end of the day, this is a JOB and if it is no longer serving you, it’s time to figure out what makes you happy. I hope this break brings you rest and time to reflect on what you really want. Think about your life in increments: 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, etc. Once you’ve got an idea, start taking steps toward that. If it’s finding a new teaching job? Great! If it’s not but you’re fulfilled and alive? That’s great too!
My friend reminded me that there are online communities devoted to educators leaving education, so you’re not alone and there are people who may be able to help ease your transition out of the classroom, if only by providing emotional support. You mentioned trying to find a therapist, so I won’t push too hard, but I urge you to bring your mental health up at your next doctor’s appointment.
Give yourself grace and lean into the support of your partner. Your life is worth more than any job.
With care,Chanea
If you or someone you know has a mental illness, is struggling emotionally, or has concerns about their mental health, there are ways to get help. Use these resources to find help for you, a friend, or a family member.
Call 911 if you or someone you know is in immediate danger or go to the nearest emergency room.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988; Llame al 988 (para ayuda en español)
Use Lifeline Chat on the web (English only)
The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Call or text 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
Call or text 1-800-985-5990
The disaster distress helpline provides immediate crisis counseling for people who are experiencing emotional distress related to any natural or human-caused disaster. The helpline is free, multilingual, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.